Read + Write + Report
Home | Start a blog | About Orble | FAQ | Sites | Writers | Advertise | My Orble | Login

Sprocket Holed - July 2008

"Through a Knight Darkly" review

July 28th 2008 04:24
Holy water, Batman!
Who says graphite can't be hilarious?


After all the ass-fat that studios have been shoveling onto our eyeballs all summer under the exactly untrue banner of fun for all ages, it feels strange to realize that summer of ’08 will hereafter be associated with what will surely go down in history as a milestone of the medium – and not just superhero movies. The Dark Knight isn’t just as great as people say, it’s better. If it has a flaw, it may be that it tries to do too much. That for the most part it succeeds is kind of a miracle, especially in an age when few movies aspire even to make much sense, let alone entertain.


What’s fascinating about TDK is that everyone likes it, and it’s about as far removed from the summer’s other big superhero flick, Marvel’s feel-good Iron Man, as to constitute a different species. Dark Knight isn’t a feel-good movie; it doesn’t feel stitched together by a cookie-cutter studio obsessed with checkmarks on focus group cards. It’s dark and tragic and unresolved. It has only one great action sequence midway through. It’s choc-a-bloc with weighty philosophical discussions about fate and heroism and truth. The hero doesn’t get the girl. The bad guy gets all the best lines. The wrong villain dies. The hero is deliberately bland, the secondary hero blander. The jokes aren’t supposed to be funny.


I was spellbound throughout.

So were the small kids and middle-aged parents surrounding me in the theatre, born noisemakers who exist only to ruin movies, all silent and entranced save for the occasional cry of horror, amusement, and awe. We were absorbed, literally. There’s nothing ironic and detached about viewing The Dark Knight; it envelops you and drops you into abysses and shadows, even without IMAX (though not quite as steeply).

R-rated in all but name (and in hindsight it just as easily could have been), the movie’s plot basically chronicles the ramrod rise and horrific decline of an idealistic D.A. named Harvey Dent (played with underrated humanity by Aaron Eckhart), who is, like the entire population of Gotham, cruelly used as a pawn by the enigmatic Joker for the single purpose of driving Batman insane. Whether this plan succeeds or not is arguable. Either way, it’s Heath Ledger’s movie, and Bale and Eckhart know it. Ledger’s Joker is probably the greatest grace note an actor has ever ended a career on, deliberately or otherwise; it’s why phrases like “tour de force” were invented. It’s so grand and startling and creepy and original that it makes memories of Jack Nicholson’s stab embarrassing by comparison.

In a way, though, Ledger has things easy, since Two-Face is a bit of a problem as a villain; he is, well, sort of limited, the way the Hulk is. He flips a coin like Anton Chigurh and has a melted face, and that’s about it. Yet screenwriters Christopher Nolan and his brother Jonathan somehow transform his pedestrian origins and driving force into a haunting Shakespearean downfall, complexly weaving it into a goulash of subplots with an assurance and grace that makes the finale spin out like a pre-MPAA 1940s film noir. Dent starts as a man nobler than Batman and ends up a poster child for nihilism; if that doesn’t sound like suitable entertainment for kids, maybe you need to go ask yourself why not. Then go re-read “Hansel and Gretel” or “The Yearling.” Probably the only reason the Bros. Nolan won’t win screenwriting Oscars is because their source material was a crudely printed comic book from the 1930s and this is precisely the reason they deserve to.

Truth be told, there’s more to Dark Knight than Harvey’s skull and the Joker’s lips. Most of the subplots pay off, sometimes as quietly as the sound of a burning envelope or a bank of screens going dark*, even as the main storyline keeps hurtling relentlessly along. Every character seems to make a surprising choice that feels believable, even those stuck with traditionally thankless roles like Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine. Cillian Muephy’s Scarecrow, last seen tasered on horseback by Katie Holmes, shows up briefly as the type of villain Batman can now dispatch with ease, along with packs of hooded middle-aged Bat-groupies (one of the very few elements cribbed from Frank Miller’s 1986 graphic novel, which was great in a very different, Vonnegut-esque way and which will hopefully never be adapted by Zack Snyder). You get to know and sympathize with the cops of Gotham, the SWAT teams and truck drivers, the Mafia…It’s the first superhero movie I can think of where the ordinary citizens of the city not only prove themselves worth saving but alone manage to outwit the villain.

Best of all, where superhero polemics are usually mandated to browbeat you with computer-generated effects, sloppily pouring that weightless static goo into every shot as if its sugary sludge alone was intended to sate, here the CG is deployed sparingly; it’s there purely to serve the story. Nolan’s not the best action director, he seems to cut away more than he reveals and murk is his crutch. Some of his action is hard to process the same way jumbles of comic-book panels can be, yet Dark Knight’s greatest visual asset is that it’s not trying to look like a comic book; the movie takes place in the real world, by the harsh rays of daylight.

Still, far and away the single best visual effect in the movie is Heath Ledger. As convincingly taciturn and pent-up as he was in Brokeback Mtn., here he’s just as casually self-assured, articulate, and unexpectedly charismatic, a disfigured sociopath at least as intelligent as Batman who’s devoted his life to spreading flames. He doesn’t want friends. He could have taken over any city in the world, but chose Gotham because breaking Batman is his pleasure. Like the real origins of the scars on his face, none of this is explicitly stated. We know next to nothing about the Joker except that he’s tickled pink at physical pain (even his own) and that while he lies constantly (except about his passion), he’s also sincere enough to stake his life on a flip of Harvey’s coin just to win him over and eager to sacrifice himself if it’ll somehow torture Batman’s soul. And he never sleeps. Maybe it’s just as well that we’ll never see him again; in its own way, his storyline by the end of Dark Knight is complete, Ledger’s untimely death the Joker’s final, cruelest punchline.

Does anything suck about this movie even remotely? [Spoilers ahoy!]

It’s true that Bale’s gravelly rasp under the mask isn’t exactly the most expressive conduit for some of his more poetic observations (it sounds like the new cowl is strangling him) but Bruce Wayne admittedly has to disguise it somehow. Or to put it more honestly, some stuff just reads better than it sounds, as anyone who has ever written dialogue will attest.

Like others, I too wondered about the fate of all those bigwigs trapped with the Joker at Bruce’s reception once he dives after Rachel. Does he kill them all, take a few for ransom, or what? It seemed out of character for him to leave without some savage farewell gesture. And we certainly hate to miss out on any of those.

When Harvey turns bad, his going after Gordon’s family does seem unsatisfyingly abrupt; it suggests a cutting-room floor at Warner Bros. that’s hip-deep in juicy third-act rampage footage. It’s also unmotivated; Gordon himself was hardly to blame for Rachel’s fate, let alone his kids; granted, it would have been a simple matter for the Joker to make their deaths seem necessary with an eloquent speech but that particular monologue isn’t on the screen.

Finally, there are some who complain that the movie, while good, is still too long. The truth is, it’s actually more like ten hours too short.

A hearty tip of the cowl to WB for giving Nolan plenty of rein and for resoundingly knocking worthy foe Iron Man into second place on what in many respects was a risky, gutsy, altogether brilliant sequel.

Try not to spend it all on Speed Racer 2.


*I did wonder what happened with the turncoat Detective Ramirez; for the sake of synergy, I like to believe that her hospitalized mom was in the one the Joker blew up.
59
Vote
Shared on
   


The rich man's Lucas or the poor man's Hal Needham?
He's got the eyes covered; aim for the beard!

I floated this cinematically crucial question at a seance last night and the results were vaguely surprising. There was one vote for Spielberg*, one for Tarantino, one for Michael Bay, while I played it safe with good old Joel Schumacher.

Predictably, the Ouija board picked 1930s guy Hal Roach. "With a pie," it added. Then it levitated the table a couple feet, I guess to be funny. (Just between you and me, some ghosts need to get a life.)

So, vote away, film- and punching-buffs!

The prize? I hereby promise to personally punch the winning director in the face should I ever be invited to the Oscars. Good luck, all, and may the most votes win!

Oh, and yes Affleck counts.

*For "A.I.", "Hook", and, I was told, "E.T." Am I really the only person who thinks "1941" was genuinely awesome?
178
Vote
Shared on
   


Spanglish's Paz Vega being hot
Don't be fooled.

Dear Princeton University Admissions Board,

I just watched “Spanglish,” which is about eccentric white people as told through the eyes of a Princeton admissions board member reading the application essay by a 12-year-old Mexican girl named Cristina hoping to attend your university someday. I’m not sure what her grades were or what major she’s applying for, and at the end she says that her essay “doesn’t define her” so I guess she doesn’t really want to go to you, after all. We don’t find out at the end whether you like her words, presumably since writer/director James L. “Simpsons” Brooks wants to leave room for a sequel.

Cristina and her excruciatingly hot mother Floor (Paz Vega) are illegal aliens, which may also disqualify her from going to Princeton. They left Mexico after Floor got jilted by Cristina’s father (whom we never see, for reasons we’re never told). Floor loves Cristina so much, she lets her cry only one tear before leading her into the desert with some carry-on luggage. Luckily, instead of getting shot or dying of dehydration, they find a nice comfy bus that transports illegal aliens across the border. The bus takes them to Texas, but there’s too many white people there, so they go to L.A. where the mom hopes to score a job with some white people. I’m not sure what “Floor” means in Spanglish.

When they get to L.A., the little girl “starts to blossom,” as she puts it, and when the mom sees a boy put his hand on Cristina’s “bottom” at a dance, she’s shocked and horrified. Puberty isn’t really common knowledge in Mexico. The only solution, she clearly sees, is to move out of the barrio, find some rich white Anglos, and hope they don’t have boys.

Floor answers a housekeeping ad at a stylish gated house where the people are so rich, they keep twenties in their change-boxes out on the kitchen table, just in case company drops by. Floor’s job interview goes pretty well even though she speaks no English and has no references, since she brought along an English-speaking cousin named Sonia who, upon entering and responding to the deceptively beckoning gestures of the tenants, bashes face-first into the glass door and breaks her nose. “I’m not mad,” the lady of the house, a tightly-wound neurotic trainwreck named Deborah Clasky played by Tea Leoni, reassures her. (For those of you Princetonians too young to remember, Tea Leoni was the really hot chick from “Flying Blind” and “Bad Boys” who starting with “Deep Impact” began her second career playing crying hysterics, but at least she can’t be more annoying here than in “Jurassic Park III.” Right?) Floor’s other new bosses include Deborah’s sassy, tell-it-like-it-is alcoholic mom Evelyn played by Cloris Leachman (Olympia Dukakis called in sick), and a chubby little girl with braces, Leoni’s daughter Bernice. There’s also a son who sings but he’s not important (think teenage-daughter-in-“Polterge ist”) and of course the benign patriarch: Adam Sandler as a “top chef” who “works nights.” Jowly and curly-haired, Sandler looks like a cross between his fat-suited “Click” character and Albert Brooks (no relation) and acts like Ned Flanders.

Floor decides to celebrate her new life of more up-scale servitude by wearing a low-cut purple dress and taking Cristina to an expensive restaurant. Since she’s stunning and dressed to the nines, some dudes send a waitress over to her table to buy her a drink but Floor has her daughter tell the waitress to give those sleazos what-for. The waitress approves.

Tea Leoni gets mad at Adam Sandler for telling their son that he’s not mad at him (for unspecified crimes). Then she gets mad at him for cupping her boob. Then she gets mad at him for being “stark raving calm.” Why is Sandler married to this person? And how did the Cristina who’s writing this Princeton essay know about all these conversations when she wasn’t even in the house?

Though understandably stoked that there’s a hot Latina maid now hanging around polishing his doorknobs six days a week, Sandler’s nervous when he heads off to work (during the day, curiously) because a New York Times food critic is flying across the country that night to review his culinary skills and he’s terrified that he’ll get a four-star review. He used to work at a place in New York that “lost its soul” after a critic loved it, which caused “the accents” to change. Sandler decides to whip out the big guns for this East Coast gourmand: a tiny square of fried fish with some parsley on it.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion Granny sings some ribald show tunes she learned back in the Navy. “Thank god for the language barrier,” she tells Floor. “Keeps you from getting bored with me.” Floor looks away uncomfortably. Granny’s excited because a hip-hop star whose name she can’t recall saw her at the liquor store and knew her by name and told her that “whenever life is a mother******,” she puts on one of Granny’s records; “Oh my god!” the pudgy girl exclaims admiringly. Granny drinks some wine.

To “inspire” Bernice to lose weight, Tea Leoni buys her some clothes that are the wrong size. This upsets Sandler, so he takes a drive with Floor. “Bernice didn’t need this the night before finals!” Sandler yells, sobbing. Via Cristina’s voiceover, Floor confides to us and Princeton that Sandler strikes her as similar to “a Mexican woman” in temperament. And possibly genitalia.

Floor steals Bernice’s size-eight clothes and alters them in secret so that they’ll fit. Leoni never seems to notice. Just as Sandler feared, the review’s glowing. Tearfully Bernice reads aloud to the family the NY Times critic’s declaration that Sandler is “the best chef in the United States” based on that one meal. “Look how great you read it!” Sandler tells his daughter proudly, even though she’s at least twelve. Guess she has dyslexia. Or a learning disorder. Everyone slyly wonders aloud how Tea Leoni will react to the “news.”

Spoiler alert: with bad sex! More specifically, the most cringe-worthy scene between two actors I’ve ever seen on celluloid. It’s kind of like how in “Cannonball Run II”, they shot the Frank Sinatra lines separately, but if Sinatra had suddenly started humping Dom DeLuise using the same “trick” photography techniques. It’s also kind of like watching two actors who hate each other praying for death. It was so bad I watched it twice. At the end you believe Leoni’s tears are real (it’s her only cinematic sex scene in existence) and suspect the Princeton admissions board feels likewise.

Tea Leoni meets a slick real estate guy named Thomas Haden Church, played by the actor of the same name. He shows her his convertible and the effects of sunroof aperture settings on hair.

Leoni hires a paunchy stranger in a tank-top to teach Floor how to speak English, the better to understand her constant freak-outs. To seal the deal, Leoni tells Floor she and her daughter need to move in with her for the summer. It’s the only way.

Though dubious of having her daughter fraternize with affluent Anglos (“I didn’t know God had a toy-store for the rich,” Cristina exclaims at the sight of the ocean), Floor agrees to this arrangement. Right away her fears prove well founded: Sandler gives the kid six hundred bucks for collecting broken glass on the beach. Leoni takes Cristina to have freakish pink streaks painted into her hair (“You’re the most amazing white woman I’ve ever met!” the daughter gushes; “That’s so nice to hear!” Leoni sobs). Floor’s outraged by all this kindness to her daughter. She writes Leoni an angry note and has a ten-minute argument with Sandler while he’s trying to eat a fried-egg sandwich, which he rebuts by charging her with making his daughter happy through tailoring. Things get ugly. Slowly. And resolved. Instantly.

Floor drops a couple grand on English-language tapes, even though the whole reason she moved in with the family was to get lessons from the tank-top guy. She learns how to say commonly used phrases like, “I really enjoyed the Star Wars trilogy by Mr. George Lucas!”

Sandler sits in a freezer and eats some cheese. He falls in an alley. He visits Floor one night and starts to hit on her but gets tired and stumbles off.

Leoni takes Cristina to the same private school Bernice attends (even though it hasn’t seemed to help), where Cristina woos the headmistress by being “gorgeous.” Floor takes Sandler to the beach, where he tells her to “get out of the damn wind”.

Floor is saddened to see her daughter get on the school-bus, so she tries to out-jog Leoni on the way back to the house, but loses. “I love you for trying!” Leoni waves back cheerily.

Granny quits drinking and tells Leoni to stop sleeping with Thomas Haden Church or she’ll lose Sandler. Leoni takes this advice one step further and confesses her infidelity to Sandler in a geyser of phlegm. Sandler says he needs some time to think, then goes downstairs where Floor starts to announce her resignation (again) but farts, or the dog does something with a tennis ball. Impressed, he asks her to “hang out for a while,” so they drive off. He takes her to his restaurant and fries her some meat with asparagus. She’s enchanted. He’s enchanted. “They should name a gender after you,” he pleads. They kiss a little but instead of sleeping together they take their shoes off and have what Cristina tells Princeton was “the conversation of her mother’s life.” The only onscreen scrap of this we catch is Floor saying, “It’s getting late…” “You’re great,” he tells her.

Sandler comes home and moves into another bedroom, thus resolving the marriage storyline.

Floor goes to the private school to have a sobbing Cristina dragged soaking wet from its swimming pool, withdrawn from the school, and then to trail after her for the 1.3 mile hike to the nearest bus-stop.

“I am my mother’s daughter,” our young narrator concludes happily.

Signed,
Applicant
51
Vote
Shared on
   


“WALL-E” rE-VIEW: E, Robot

July 10th 2008 08:19
WALL-E and friend
WALL-E, the cube with a heart with a cube


Pixar's latest smorgasbord WALL-E starts out as the rich man’s Heartbeeps and ends as the poor man’s Silent Running. For all its lavish, lovely visuals and genuinely ingratiating main character, the spoken dialogue (which it starts off by doing just fine without) and gags seem a bit pedestrian and Dreamworks-y, especially once the plot shifts spaceward. Usually, outer space is where the fun starts. Here the mysteries of the universe are used solely as window dressing to symbolize intellectual sloth and stasis. It was wrong to ever leave the Earth, the movie seems to be saying; please pick up after yourself. Yet if we ever actually had the capacity to shuttle between the stars, our trash problem would be an easy fix. What better landfill than an infinite vacuum


[ Click here to read more ]
64
Vote
Shared on
   


"Hancock" For Less Money

July 7th 2008 10:21
Where there's a Smith...
Like Iron Man, Hancock's more fun when he drinks.


(Spoiler warning: Hancock features a terrifically wacky plot twist midway through that should definitely be experienced firsthand before reading any further or listening to chatty kathies who already saw it. It’s almost worth the price of admission, assuming you snuck in


[ Click here to read more ]
59
Vote
Shared on
   


More Posts
1 Posts
1 Posts
3 Posts
150 Posts dating from August 2006
Email Subscription
Receive e-mail notifications of new posts on this blog:
Moderated by Kelly Wand
Copyright © 2006 2007 2008 On Topic Media PTY LTD. All Rights Reserved. Design by Vimu.com.
On Topic Media ZPages: Sydney |  Melbourne |  Brisbane |  London |  Birmingham |  Leeds     [ Advertise ] [ Contact Us ] [ Privacy Policy ]