Kelly Wand"Conandrums": Team-Building Barbarian Solutions to an Ever-Changing Bronze Age
May 28th 2008 02:08
Not sure about your path in life, your romantic choices, or whether to remain governor of California for decades? Let the greatest Cimmerian who ever spat offer profound life coaching advice that’ll have you communicating more effectively and strangling Picts faster than a prehistoric continent takes to sink!
On fiscal responsibility:
“I pay my way with steel! By Crom, man, if you don’t get under way, I’ll drench this galley in the blood of its crew!”, Queen of the Black Coast
“I’ve squirmed and burrowed and hidden like a snake, feasting on muskrats I caught and ate raw, for lack of fire to cook them.”, Shadows in the Moonlight
“As for being penniless – what rover isn’t, most of the time? I’ve squandered enough gold in the seaports of the world to fill a galleon.”, Red Nails
“In my country no starving man is denied food, but you civilized people must have your recompense.”, The Slithering Shadow
“Quarter such as you gave us, you swine!”, Shadows in the Moonlight
On the sanctity of female virtue:
“You speak as if you were free to give yourself at your pleasure, as if the gift of your body had power to swing kingdoms… Women are cheap as plantains in this land, and their willingness or unwillingness matters as little.”, The Vale of Lost Women
“I don’t forget faces – or women’s figures.”, The Jewels of Gwahlur
“Don’t bite, you hussy!”, Black Colossus
“I don’t kill women ordinarily, though some of these hill-women are she-wolves.”, The People of the Black Circle
On maintaining a positive outlook in the face of adversity:
“Why have the gods of darkness doomed me to death?”, Beyond the Black River
“’Twill take a bigger ocean than that one to drown me.”, The Treasure of Tranicos
“There is always a way, if the desire be coupled with courage.”, The Tower of the Elephant
“I climbed out of the abyss of naked barbarism to the throne, and in that climb I spilt my blood as freely as I spilt that of others.”, The Scarlet Citadel
“I place my trust in Mitra.”, Black Colossus
“It takes oppression and hardship to stiffen men’s guts and put the fire of Hell into their thews.”, A Witch Shall Be Born
“The pay was poor and the wine was sour, and I don’t like black women. And that’s the only kind that came to our camp at Sukhmet – rings in their noses and their teeth filed – bah!”, Red Nails
“The dead are dead, and what has passed is done! I have a ship and a fighting crew and a girl with lips like wine, and that’s all I ever asked.”, The Pool of the Black One
On the importance of education:
“I learned long ago to avoid touching with my flesh that which I do not understand.”, The Scarlet Citadel
“Everyone knows there are men who take the form of wolves at will.”, Rogues in the House
“Better if steel and bowstring prevail without further aid from the arts, for the constant use of mighty spells sometimes sets forces in motion that might rock the universe.”, The Hour of the Dragon
“I hold no truck with amulets and suchlike magical trash -- !”, The Hand of Nergal
“Matters of statecraft weary me as all the fighting I have done never did.”, The Phoenix on the Sword
“A great poet is greater than any king.”, The Phoenix on the Sword
“I think not.”, A Witch Shall Be Born
On fiscal responsibility:
“I pay my way with steel! By Crom, man, if you don’t get under way, I’ll drench this galley in the blood of its crew!”, Queen of the Black Coast
“I’ve squirmed and burrowed and hidden like a snake, feasting on muskrats I caught and ate raw, for lack of fire to cook them.”, Shadows in the Moonlight
“As for being penniless – what rover isn’t, most of the time? I’ve squandered enough gold in the seaports of the world to fill a galleon.”, Red Nails
“In my country no starving man is denied food, but you civilized people must have your recompense.”, The Slithering Shadow
“Quarter such as you gave us, you swine!”, Shadows in the Moonlight
On the sanctity of female virtue:
“You speak as if you were free to give yourself at your pleasure, as if the gift of your body had power to swing kingdoms… Women are cheap as plantains in this land, and their willingness or unwillingness matters as little.”, The Vale of Lost Women
“I don’t forget faces – or women’s figures.”, The Jewels of Gwahlur
“Don’t bite, you hussy!”, Black Colossus
“I don’t kill women ordinarily, though some of these hill-women are she-wolves.”, The People of the Black Circle
On maintaining a positive outlook in the face of adversity:
“Why have the gods of darkness doomed me to death?”, Beyond the Black River
“’Twill take a bigger ocean than that one to drown me.”, The Treasure of Tranicos
“There is always a way, if the desire be coupled with courage.”, The Tower of the Elephant
“I climbed out of the abyss of naked barbarism to the throne, and in that climb I spilt my blood as freely as I spilt that of others.”, The Scarlet Citadel
“I place my trust in Mitra.”, Black Colossus
“It takes oppression and hardship to stiffen men’s guts and put the fire of Hell into their thews.”, A Witch Shall Be Born
“The pay was poor and the wine was sour, and I don’t like black women. And that’s the only kind that came to our camp at Sukhmet – rings in their noses and their teeth filed – bah!”, Red Nails
“The dead are dead, and what has passed is done! I have a ship and a fighting crew and a girl with lips like wine, and that’s all I ever asked.”, The Pool of the Black One
On the importance of education:
“I learned long ago to avoid touching with my flesh that which I do not understand.”, The Scarlet Citadel
“Everyone knows there are men who take the form of wolves at will.”, Rogues in the House
“Better if steel and bowstring prevail without further aid from the arts, for the constant use of mighty spells sometimes sets forces in motion that might rock the universe.”, The Hour of the Dragon
“I hold no truck with amulets and suchlike magical trash -- !”, The Hand of Nergal
“Matters of statecraft weary me as all the fighting I have done never did.”, The Phoenix on the Sword
“A great poet is greater than any king.”, The Phoenix on the Sword
“I think not.”, A Witch Shall Be Born
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