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Sprocket Holed - July 2008

Vote: Which Director Would You Most Want To Punch In The Face?

July 17th 2008 03:58

The rich man's Lucas or the poor man's Hal Needham?

He's got the eyes covered; aim for the beard!

I floated this cinematically crucial question at a seance last night and the results were vaguely surprising. There was one vote for Spielberg*, one for Tarantino, one for Michael Bay, while I played it safe with good old Joel Schumacher.

Predictably, the Ouija board picked 1930s guy Hal Roach. "With a pie," it added. Then it levitated the table a couple feet, I guess to be funny. (Just between you and me, some ghosts need to get a life.)

So, vote away, film- and punching-buffs!

The prize? I hereby promise to personally punch the winning director in the face should I ever be invited to the Oscars. Good luck, all, and may the most votes win!

Oh, and yes Affleck counts.

*For "A.I.", "Hook", and, I was told, "E.T." Am I really the only person who thinks "1941" was genuinely awesome?

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Posted By: Kelly Wand - Category: No Category

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Comments

25 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Tom Chick

July 17th 2008 04:02

I'm confused by this question. I don't understand anyone who wouldn't pick George Lucas.

Comment by Kelly Wand

July 17th 2008 04:07

Sprocket Holed

Too obvious.

Comment by Bryn

July 17th 2008 05:52

Horrorphile

I've wanted to punch Woody Allen's lights out a few times ... And Luc Besson too, especially for The Fifth Element, I can't stand that movie!
... But I think Kevin Smith is in the ring with me.

Comment by Kelly Wand

July 17th 2008 08:05

Sprocket Holed

Ah, excellent choices all. I was going to say Kevin Smith but then I thought it'd be cheating prize-wise to pick someone I'd never actually see at the Oscars.

Comment by Bryn

July 17th 2008 08:42

Horrorphile

Kelly, keep in mind Kevin Smith was originally commissioned to write the screenplay to Superman Lives (when Nic Cage was still attached), before his screenplay was dumped, he was let go, and the movie became Superman Returns.
And for the record Clerks is one of the most overrated indie flicks of all time, Chasing Amy one of the most stupid, and Dogma one of the most annoying.

Comment by Morgan Bell

July 17th 2008 08:54

Deep Pencil
Current Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk

hmmm i dont think anyone is more annoying than Nancy Meyers . . . a couple of people who have lost their mojo are Renny Harlin and M. Night Shyamalan

theres alot of directors who should really not write their own scripts

Comment by Kelly Wand

July 17th 2008 09:00

Sprocket Holed

Renny Harlin was on the list but then kinda won me over with "Deep Blue Sea." I'm an easy room. Have to say I'm stunned no one's said Chris Columbus yet and it's already been almost six hours.

Comment by Nathan 1

July 17th 2008 13:30

To be fair to Kevin Smith he is a very intelligent man, and really knows his craft. I was aware that he isn't for everyone, but I'm not sure why. His style seems pretty universal so what is it about his films that make people so angry? If a film gets a lot of hype that's not really the fault of the creator and shouldn't devalue what they have produced. We should blame the media for making such high expectations of filmmakers.

Comment by ChrisC

July 17th 2008 15:49

The Dissector

Hello Nathan1, you are spot on. Kevin Smith made Clerks with no cash wot so ever, and made a small truck out of it. Anyone can see it was a simple movie that could be written and made and in hindsight, anyone that I know that ever had a wet dream about making films wish they had of made it. Don't listen to them Smith-baggers, jealousy sux and Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back rules!!!
To answer the original question though...whoever directed Biodome, or Waterboy (although I know the writers need to take some serious heat) should all be forced to drive through Sydney yesterday afternoon.

Comment by Ron Rowe

July 17th 2008 16:46

The Comic Geek

For me, it's a toss-up. I think Joel Shumaker is most deserving, but those old wounds have healed.

Micheal Moore is a buffoon, but if you punch him in the face he'll just make a long, uninteresting documentary about it (and blame it on the Bush Administration).

I think I'll go with Bryan Singer for turning the greatest superhero of all-time into a creepy stalker dead-beat dad who rehashes his own dialogue.

Comment by Cibbuano

July 17th 2008 23:31

20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
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Fat Cult
Techbreak

woah, tough one. I saw the headline and immediately thought 'George Lucas'...

... but then I read the comments.

Yes, I'd like to punch M. Night in the face. And Michael Bay, maybe twice!

Comment by Jason King

July 17th 2008 23:42

Sydney Table
Salty Popcorn
Total Randomness

Ummmmmmmmmmm
I also immediately went for George as well. It's a talent to turn everything to shit that you touch. M. Night is also on a hitlist - why do studios keep giving him money???
I also want to head butt the person who directed Eragon and The Golden Compass - both superb books that just got trashed and thanks for that - now they probably won't be making any sequels!! Gggggrrrrrrrrr

Comment by Lord S

July 17th 2008 23:43

Francis Ford Coppola
The Godfather and Apocalypse Now almost save him

But his murder of Bram Stoker's Dracula means he gets my vote

George Lucas is far too obvious
And no doubt he has some form of robot army to fend off attackersYour text goes here

Comment by JohnDoe

July 18th 2008 00:48

Film & TV on DVD

Hi Kelly,

The obvious answer is Uwe Boll, Joel Schumacher or Michael Bay but someone else will take care of clubbing them.

For me it's Baz Lurhaman or Brett Ratner, both seem incapable of making a movie thats watchable.

Comment by Jason King

July 18th 2008 02:44

Sydney Table
Salty Popcorn
Total Randomness

JD - that hurts - I LOVE BAZ

Comment by Mike Wheeler

July 18th 2008 04:24

Cinema Rat

Has to be David Lynch. You can kick him in the nuts too while you're at it!

Comment by Kelly Wand

July 18th 2008 04:58

Sprocket Holed

There's also the ones you'd want to not because they suck but just to enhance your own legend. "Hi ladies, I'm that guy who punched Sam Peckinpah in the face. Then he shot me right here. That's why my underwear rides so high. Get a refill on these kamikazes, please?"

Comment by Morgan Bell

July 18th 2008 06:14

Deep Pencil
Current Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk

poor old Michael Bay, i forgive him for all the schlock he has produced because i enjoyed The Island so much

Comment by Natalie 2

July 18th 2008 21:26

My Life My Muse
Beta Girl Blog

John Doe took my answer of Uwe Boll. The worst part is that he takes movies that could have been bad ass by any other director, and delivers a steaming pile instead. Every time. At least he's consistent.

I have to protest the comment about Baz, however. He is one of my faves!

Comment by Kelly Wand

July 19th 2008 01:06

Sprocket Holed

So far: Boll, Bay, and Lucas all tied at two.

FYI, I looked it up in the rules I intend to write, and it said that in the result of a tie, both or all three winners will be punched in the face twice ("sequels").

Good to see that so many people have such passion for the arts!

Comment by Bethany

July 19th 2008 20:28

I'm pulling for Boll- there is no movie that can possibly redeem him in any way.

Comment by Kelly Wand

July 20th 2008 00:56

Sprocket Holed

If you've ever made a good movie, I think you should be exempt. And I must confess some affection for "THX 1138" and "Jaws," respectively.

Comment by Wayne F

July 21st 2008 00:05

Bucket Movies
Bucket Snipets

Uwe Boll...

Uwe Boll...

Uwe Boll...

Uwe Boll...

Uwe Boll...

Uwe Boll...

Uwe Boll...

Comment by Kelly Wand

July 21st 2008 06:17

Sprocket Holed

Okay, so 9 for Boll...

Comment by Chongzor

August 2nd 2008 16:00

I'm changing my vote from speelzberger, who's gee whiz kid musings on the nature of imagination qualify him for a serious beating even if his vaugley pedophilic body of work had never been committed to film. He did make Jaws. Zemekis for Forrest Gump the single most overrated movie of all time hands down. BOFF ZOPP POWEE!!! But, to quote Conan O'Brian when asked by John Waters which directors name he would tattoo on his arm, "Hasselhoff did direct a couple episodes of Baywatch Nights!"

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[ Next - "Spanglish" review (by special request): A romedy for noveryone ]

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