Kelly WandTop 10 Reasons I’m Not Seeing “The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor” (out of 2570 B.C.)
August 2nd 2008 04:48
Maybe all those bandages are just from the chariot accident.
10. There are no mummies in the preview.
9. No one paid me to.
8. I haven’t finished not seeing Brendan Fraser’s other soulless CG blockbuster yet.
7. Rachel Weisz isn’t in it.
6. The annoying British guy from the first two is in it.
5. What was Jet Li’s best movie before this? Oh yeah, none of them.
4. I already saw a movie about a golden army this summer* and the one in this is only terra cotta.
3. In the previews, Brendan Fraser’s son is full-grown, which means it’s like 20 years after the first movie but Brendan’s not wearing old-man makeup.
2. I read that the filmmakers removed all references to the Emperor’s name (Qin Shi Huang) so as not to offend the descendants of a man who’s been dead over two thousand years. I’m offended.
1. I just noticed that Chuck Norris’ The Octagon is on.
*Review forthcoming.
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