Kelly WandWhy I Refuse To Buy GTA IV under any circumstances
May 22nd 2008 03:15
Actually, "refuse" is probably too strong a word; I just haven't gotten around to it yet. I'm sure it's great, since the guy who was making my sandwich at Whole Foods a couple weeks back informed me that he'd bought a 360 just to play it constantly. When I told him I'd bought a 360 just to play "Culdcept Saga," he looked at me like I had a turd hanging out of my ear (a reaction I'm fairly familiar with for medical reasons I won't bore you with till post 500). He actually hadn't heard of "Culdcept," so I broke it down for him.
"It's a card game," I said helpfully. "Like 'Magic: The Gathering,' but crossed with 'Monopoly.' You roll a die to move. There's a really cool card called 'Spudfolk' that gives you money. Only in the game, money's called magic, but the initial for it's 'G.' Oh, and the battles over property are determined entirely by math. I hate math but it's really addictive."
"Dude, card games are the lowest of the low," he said, shaking his head. "Did you want pesto aioli on both sides?"
True story. Except for all of it.
The real reason I haven't gotten "GTA" yet is because I have a weird aversion to driving games. I hate driving. I hate commuting. I do like shooting people in the head and running them over, and being Serbian, and nailing chicks whose nipples I'm not allowed to see for some strange reason. But I can get all that at home.
Maybe if your gas mileage in "GTA" was governed by die rolls, I'd be more onboard.
"It's a card game," I said helpfully. "Like 'Magic: The Gathering,' but crossed with 'Monopoly.' You roll a die to move. There's a really cool card called 'Spudfolk' that gives you money. Only in the game, money's called magic, but the initial for it's 'G.' Oh, and the battles over property are determined entirely by math. I hate math but it's really addictive."
"Dude, card games are the lowest of the low," he said, shaking his head. "Did you want pesto aioli on both sides?"
True story. Except for all of it.
The real reason I haven't gotten "GTA" yet is because I have a weird aversion to driving games. I hate driving. I hate commuting. I do like shooting people in the head and running them over, and being Serbian, and nailing chicks whose nipples I'm not allowed to see for some strange reason. But I can get all that at home.
Maybe if your gas mileage in "GTA" was governed by die rolls, I'd be more onboard.
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